Process Recording the Group Experience

Description of group setting (purpose of group)

In our group therapy class we split up into small groups of four people. We were discussing our handout about the priorities individuals have in groups. I initially wrote that “pleasing” was my number one priority. Boy was I mistaken. We talked about our individual goals and after a while we all get together in one big group and talked about what we had learned. The names are changed to protect the innocent.

Group purpose/process in terms of member roles, social interactions & behavior

Dr. Cinnamon was the facilitator and he asked Bill to share his small group experience. So Bill starts to tell how Camille was feeling compromised at work by men who seem to take advantage of her youth and beauty and say demeaning things to her. Bill began to talk about how he helped Camille to see her own worth by sharing the lyrics of a Tupoc rap song. At this point I was mentally rolling my eyes at the audacity of Bill (a white male who makes constant cracks that are demeaning to women and other minorities), to make things better for Camille. It was incredibly offensive and sexist to me. The fact that it was a rap song, (which is a style typically demeaning of women), in a graduate level academic setting was almost comical in my mind.

I can’t remember all I said, but in a nutshell, I told Bill he was a misogynistic male chauvinist. I told him he couldn’t possibly understand Camille’s perspective and to talk to her the way he did wasn’t the least bit empowering. (Which, of course, put the whole class on defensive). Several people made comments and the discussion turned to the cultural attitudes that are demeaning to women. I addressed the nickname assigned to Camille and voiced my concern at an individual being called after a snack food. Camille seemed miffed that I was discounting the men who were rescuing her. But what I felt was an attack of all men. In my mind I was all women and I was standing up for myself and my daughters and every blind woman in the room who doesn’t get how marginalized we are as a group.

Student’s internal experience (personal thoughts and feelings)

I can’t even remember everything everyone said. What I do remember, is the horrible feeling of other people thinking I was the problem. Someone else told me that everyone came away from it feeling worse rather than better. We stereotyped each other, and I’m the one who started it. How could I have done it differently? We all fell into a group mentality. Even I, the scapegoat, felt like it was okay that I was being used to help further everyone else’s education.

One of the most important things I’ve learned so far in this class is that group therapy’s goal is to model a functional family. We did the classic dysfunctional family thing. Alice was the only one who acknowledged that there was something seriously wrong with this exercise. She pointed out that I was being a scapegoat.

Later on that evening Alice wrote on facebook “Today’s group was the Mailgram experiment.” One class member did what alcoholic families do when they deny that there is a problem. She told Alice to just go to bed. I broke the rule of acknowledging that there is something wrong by pointing out the sexism of our culture.

I was drawn and quartered in a social and psychological sense. But I learned from the experience. Note to self:

• Do NOT attack someone else when you are feeling personally threatened by their youth and/or maleness…even if you are rescuing someone else.
• Keep your comments to yourself, particularly if the thoughts are about the sexism in our culture and I am in the State of Montana.
• Work through your issues with men and do your best not to put all males in one group.

I recognize that poor Bill was confused. All he was doing was rescuing Camille. What I should have said to him in a calm, cool demeanor was, “You are rescuing Camille, rather than letting Camille rescue herself.”

I was trying to express that we are all products of a sexist culture. I also attempted to take control of the group. I thought “Pleasing” and “Comfort” were more important to me but this experience helped me to realize that “Superiority” and “Control” are my weaknesses and I need to check my own motivations before others feel inadequate or challenged because of my behavior.