On the Road...

Yo bleaders. One of these days I'll tell you about what happened to me this week, but not yet. I'm still too raw.

But today, let me tell you about today. Today was good. Lesson of the hour is this:

When you drive for six hours with three little boys and you get to the much awaited hotel room and you turn on the tv and flip around the channels...(when you have not been watching tv for months), don't be surprized if the violence and sex has increased and your young ones are traumatized.

Not sure I will go back to having it again.

God verses Darwin

I've been reading Finding Darwin's God, by Kenneth Miller. Think of the song "I Am a Child of God"...Now try singing this to that familiar tune..."I am the product of natural selection, genetic chance and environmental necessity" I know. It just doesn't sound as good, does it? That's because it leaves out purpose and hope and family. My brain is evolving as I read!!!

Okay, looking over what I wrote and reading it from the perspective of one who doesn't believe in God I recognize that I didn't write that exactly how I meant it. I don't mean to knock anyone else's beliefs. The book I'm reading is about how God and Darwinism fit together. But if you don't believe in God and you need scientific proof and logic for answers, you may feel frustrated at someone belittling your beliefs. I never want to do that. I truly believe we all have the right to our own opinions.

I guess I just want to be free to have mine, too!

My belief in the other side has so much to do with the emotional connection I feel with friends and family members who have gone before. I don't want here and now to be all there is.

"This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous - indifferent to all suffering, lacking all purpose."

Richard Dawkins...


I 'get' that lots of people can't fit science with religion. I'm not a serious student of hard science. I'm just reading a book and had a thought.

Here is how I see it:

If there isn't a God
and a life after this one
I haven't lost anything by believing there is.
and I've gained everything if I believe and there is.

Of course, I've been told that I may miss out on life experiences by limiting my belief and my actions to what fits in with my religious beliefs. The ole' "Eat, Drink and be Merry" idea. If this life is all there is, I should enjoy it.

But I do enjoy. I live within certain limits and boundaries and I get to enjoy the experience of home, family, stimulating conversation, intimacy, love in all its forms, and a connection with heaven.

I eat my veggies, I drink milk, and I am merry with my friends and fam without the use of mind altering substances.

My life is full.

I Am a Child of God...with a little help from Jesus, my parents and me

I've been reading a book Pearl gave Doug for Christmas. It is Finding Darwin's God, by Kenneth Miller. Think of the song "I Am a Child of God"...Now try singing this to that familiar tune...

"I am the product of natural selection, genetic chance and environmental necessity" I know. It just doesn't sound as good, does it. That's because it leaves out purpose. My favorite line from a movie, (this week), is from "Corrina, Corrina". The mother died and the maid told the little girl that the Mom was in heaven with the angels. The Dad explains to the little girl that people made up religion just to make themselves feel better. The little girl replied, "What's the matter with that?"

Love that line.

What is wrong with it? Why is it so horrible to believe in something that you can't see that may or may not make sense? Isn't that alot of what science is? Theories? They may or may not be true.

In speaking of the Darwinian universe, Richard Dawkins said, "This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous - indifferent to all suffering, loacking all purpose."

wow

How sad.

I like believing, partly because I like hope.

Hope is my friend.

I taught a lesson on The Creation last week. Have you noticed when you teach by the Spirit you hear things coming out of your own mouth you haven't heard before? I heard myself say that God delegated the creation to the Savior who delagated the dominion of it all to us. (not THERE'S a lesson in leadership).

And WE create our own world...in many ways. In the choices we make and the thoughts we think. We create pathways in our brains by our actions. We evolve every day. We help the world along as it evolves. Brains evolve, Cultures evolve, packaging of food evolves.

We were created by God, our parents and ourselves. And we are responisble for the planet...including the creation of our own bods. But ultimately, He CAN turn even our doozies of whopper mistakes into goodness. Because He is good.


Delegated

We take part in God's creations
Fires, plagues and infestations
Each unwanted pregnancy
And the wanted ones will be
Part of Heavenly Father's plan
Even stonings in Iran
All that happens in the world
From the smallest fallen bird
To the lillies in the field
Every stalk of grain we yield
Doesn't miss the Father's eye
If we live or if we die
Only adds to all the dirt
And the glory of His work
He will turn it into good
Omniscience does what it should


and thats all I have to say about that.

Lollie the Naughty Blogger

This is me Repenting:

I have been a naughty blogger. You might call me deglectful of my blog. Sorry folks. You know the only person you hurt when you don’t do what you say you will do is yourself. You start to not trust you. Especially if you are the only person you really promised anything to.

And lets face it. That is who reads this blog the most.
So self, blog baby blog.

About my life without TV I’m faced with a dilemma. My husband thinks we should get cable. I know. What is his problem? He thinks our boys would be inspired by watching the Olympics.
Okay.
I admit.
They would.

But almost in the same breath, he spoke about the latest article he read in American Family Journal about the sexually explicit programs on nickelodeon. And do you know what? You don’t, but I will tell you.

I really like not having cable. I like watching movies and reading books and I hate to admit it, I like not having to watch all of the devastation going on in Haiti since the earthquake. When people talk about how terrible it is, I feel a little out of it, but not enough to actually have to participate in the voyeuristicness of it all. I picked up a time magazine and saw some of the pictures. I listen to NPR every morning so I get the scoop. But people, I am so happy in my cozy little Cableless world. I study and play the piano and go hang out at the The Family Tree, (where I’m doing my practicum), and I get to focus on a smaller world of my own choosing rather than that big, nasty, ugly world the media likes to show us all.

Just call me Ostritch Lollie...burying my head in the sand.

I know there is good on cable. My argument to Doug is that I don’t want the temptation of cable. He says we should only have it for a month. I don’t think I could watch cable for one lovely month and then go cold turkey. I’m worse than an alcoholic. It is a serious addiction.

True confession.
TV is the black hole of time wasting. I know. You thought facebook was. It isn’t. Television is for me.

A&E’s Movie about Benedict Arnold

In the spirit of not watching Television, (but renting the occassional movie), I watched a great flick about that guy the yummy eggs are named after.

According to the film, Benedict Arnold was really a decent guy. He was considered to be a great hero at one point in time. His wife was an interesting piece of work. She was as different as can be from another revolutionary wartime hero. Abigail Adams encouraged her husband in goodness and much of the good that he did was following advice from his wife.

Ironically, Benedict Arnold’s wife was (according to this film), the motivating factor behind much of Arnold’s idiocy. Her tendency toward disloyalty was evidence in her choice to marry Benedict after making promises, (albeit unspoken), to her redcoat boyfriend. Arnold is depicted in this movie as being deeply in love with Peggy and willing to do whatever it took to make her happy. She wanted to be married to a powerful man and was in love with his potential to be king. It was interesting to watch the evolution of both of their personalities.

Peggy was a contemporary of Jane Austen and much of my understanding of the culture of the times is from Austen’s books. Peggy obviously married to enhance her power. She encouraged her husband to betray himself and his country even when he wanted to do the unselfish and difficult things. When he was busted, she told him to escape and helped him do it then blamed it all on him when Washington found her.

Arnold struggled with the decisions he made as a result of his wife’s advice…but he still made those decisions. The saddest scene was the very end where he challenges a long time collegue to a duel for defiling his name. Peggie is cowering in the carriage as the men duel. Both of their lives have disintegrated to nothing and Arnold recognized and states that future generations will categorize him with other traitors like Lucifer and Judas.

I was empowered by this movie because it really made me think aabout the decisions that I make not only in my personal life but in the advice I give my husband. Marriage can be very challenging and I often feel like my influence isn't really felt. Yet, as I look at these historic events, I realize that my general attitude makes a difference in his life, whether for good or ill. I wonder how much I have influenced the choices he has made.

Moes being Marginilized...

The Marginization of Mormons
Mormons are marginalized within many groups and subgroups in our culture. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling like I have to stick up for myself because of choices I make to follow my religious teachings and not drink, smoke or have sex outside of marriage.
I don’t think of myself as better than others because of these choices. I’ve seen what drinking has done to others and my choices are as much because of self-preservation as they are following the teachings of Mormonism.
Members of my faith believe that the people of the world are a continuous flow of spirit children from heaven who are coming to earth for their physical experience. Because of this belief, Mormon ought to have a tendency toward empathy. Sometimes LDS people may respond to those outside of their faith in a negative way. If they do – they are not living the doctrine.

And then there is the statement by Joseph Smith, "We claim the privilege of worshipping all mighty God, according to the dictates of our own consciense and allow all men the same privilege let them worship how, where and what they may".

Depression is a Verb

There is a theory by William Glasser called "Choice Theory" which states, "It is therapeutic to view our behavior in terms of verbs. For example, it is more accurate to say to oneself, "I am choosing to depress" instead of thinking, "I am suffering from depression." we are immediately aware that we are choosing to depress, and have the choice to do and feel something else. People who instead say, "I am depressed," mistakenly tend to believe the depressing is beyond their control or it has been caused by something or someone else.

This is a controversial theory, but I think there is lots of truth to it.

Change is Evolutionary, Not Revolutionary

I watched a really cool movie last night by A&E about Benedict Arnold. I had no idea his wife was such a witch. It really got me thinking about the decisions I make.

Understanding Human Behavior and the Social Environment by Zaztrow

Quote from my Human Behavior textbook:

"If a social worker believes his or her religion is the one true religion, can that social worker fully accept clients who are members of some other religious faith? If your answer is no, do you believe that person should seek a different career?"

Will the time come when members of the Mormon faith and other Christian churches be told they must deny their religion to enter their chosen field of study?

My textbook also defines people who are pro-life as anti-abortion. If they can call me that, why can't I call those who are pro-choice, pro-death?

Why is it wrong to believe life begins at conception rather than at birth. Obama even said it when speaking of young father's responsibility.

It is really hard to stretch myself sometimes. How much easier my life would be if I just stuck with the status quo. It would be so easy to be the good little molly mormon and find fullfillment in church callings, home and family. Why am I so driven to do this? Why don't I just break down and call the cable guy? I could spend the rest of my life just watching BYU television and the Hallmark channel and keep my home sparkling clean and go to lunch.

Today I sat in a meeting with other Social Workers for 3 hours. I'm starting my practicum. This means I get to learn, hands on, the work of a social worker. It really isn't much different than most of the church work I have done. Teaching parenting classes, counseling people one on one. It is just so heartbreakingly sad. I hope I can handle it.

What the Bleep do we know anyway?

I had to watch this film for my religion/social work class...here is what I wrote about it:

I’ve never thought science and religion contradict each other. According to my limited experience and knowledge, they complement each other. My brainiac pre-med daughter called me from BYU a few weeks ago and when I asked her about her organic chemistry class she exclaimed, “Mom! I’m learning the secrets of the universe!” She went on to explain that God used chemistry to create the planet. From Mormon doctrine, Science is not a new spiritual way of understanding and God understands Quantum Physics and uses it in His work. Science effects how you perceive reality but the reality of spirit is as real as we are.

I found portions of this film insulting and contradictory in nature. One of the ‘professionals’ stated how the media warps our perception of life and men need only entertain one sexual fantasy to become aroused and women shouldn’t distort their perceptions of body image as a result of media YET…there…in the film…were two different scenes of people having sexual intercourse. The very ideas the film was trying to teach us to overcome and look beyond were used to entice our senses. I recognize the target audience for this film is young college goers who have been warped by the media – but as a 45 year old mother of four hormone filled sons and three beautiful daughters I find pornography of any form demeaning to women and I feel objectified and insulted as a human being, let alone a mother. To have it as part of a class assignment for a course on religion is especially insulting.
I learned 2 things from this video.

1. Every choice I make can make a difference in my life and the lives of others and I either choose to send out a self-serving message of selfishness which actually does nothing but bring me and others down – or you can send out a selfless message of love which builds me as it builds others. It is ironic that the more I seek to love the more goodness and love I attract.

2. The second thing I learned, (or what the film attempted to teach), was that God is created by man. This idea was contradictory in nature to the general message of the film which was to have faith in ideas outside of your narrow mindset. An ‘expert’ vehemently stated the fallacy of men creating God in their image. The message seemed to be that belief in God is self serving and destructive.
My belief in God has little to do with a vengeful god of wrath. The God I believe in is a compassionate Father who cares deeply about the lives of His children. He allows them the freedom of choice to create a world of their own making. He allows them consequences and when their choices are selfless and based in sending love out to others, their lives are blessed. The statement that men create God in their image contradicts the idea previously illustrated in the film. In the scene where the molecular structure of water is actually changed when blessed by a Buddhist monk, I understood the point illustrated being when a man calls upon a higher power to bless and change elements and it works there is evidence to suggest that a higher power exists regardless of man’s ideas otherwise.

To dismiss that faith is an act of self service to give power to men who believe in science to increase their following and thus their power…which is hypocritical in nature when science often points his finger at religion for using false authority to gain power over others. True religion gives power. Shouldn’t true science do the same?

The Secret

Have you read this book or watched the film?

I am evidence this principle works. I saw this film over a year ago and read portions of the book. I put the idea to the test.

I took 4 post-it notes and wrote statements on them. I posted them inside my personal cabinet in by bathroom which I opened and saw every day. I wrote “I am in the position to own a beagle puppy.” This statement came to pass in a miraculous way. At the time I was living in Alaska with my perfectionist, bionic nosed, dog hating husband. Speaking of which, the second post-it read, “I love my husband completely and unconditionally and he responds with complete generosity. Both of these statements worked together and the puppy I obtained was a more expensive breed than I had even anticipated. I wrote “beagle” but what I thought, every time I read it was “King Charles Cavalier Spaniel”.

It has to be said that prayer is a principle that works much like “The Secret”. It was asking my husband to pray about getting a dog that cinched the deal. I believe God wanted me to have Brinkley. I refer to him as my ‘prayer puppy’ and he is the breed I wanted even though I wrote what seemed more practical (and less expensive).

My third post-it was “I am in a position to help my sister Beth own a larger, more adequate home”. I’m still pinching myself that this one happened. I wrote it, read it, re-read it and prayed for it. I thought it would happen and planned for it happening in a different way than it happened. I thought I would come into a sum of money but I couldn’t figure out how I could help Beth and Jim without hurting their pride. Then one day I was talking to my brother. He told me his wife had turned to him in church and said, “We need to sell Beth and Jim our house for what we owe on it.” Andrew thought for a moment and said, “Yes, we do”. They’re children were raised and they were down-sizing to a townhome.

To make a long story short, I wasn’t in the position to buy my sister a home, (which wouldn’t have worked anyway), but I was literally in the position to help her get into one…which is what I had written on the post-it. I helped by cleaning out the home my physically impaired, pack-rat brother, his wife and children had lived in for 12 years. I was thrilled to spend several days organizing, cleaning and enlisting others to help. Within 6 months of posting my note – Beth and her family of 6 children moved from their tiny, inadequate home in an inconvenient location to a large, 5 bedroom home conveniently located to her husband’s work and better schools for her children.

My 4th post-it note read, “I am in the position to finish my graduate degree”. Nuff said.

Definitions of Religion, Spirituality and Compassion

Instead of watching tv, I'm in grad school. This is an assignment for my social work and religion class...

Religion: "Pure religion made him run" is a line from a poem my Mom wrote about my unselfish, generous, hard working brother-in-law. I think there is a big difference between religion, (a man-made institution) and pure religion (a God-made one). When I think of religion I usually think of a negative feeling associated with men in powerful, coercive positions. I think of groups of people gathering to socialize more than to worship. I think of women dressed up to look good for men, other women and the image they see in the mirror. I think of oppression of race and gender. I think of piety, pulpits and pampas pale power hungry people. I think of oppression of race and gender. When I think of religion, I DON'T think of God. True religion is what SHOULD happen when spirituality and compassion meet. Too often crosses burn, sheets are worn and people are subjugated.

Spirituality: When I think of spirituality, I think of peace. I think of nature and sun, sky and sea. I think of mother painting a beautiful landscape. Nature seems to be the most spiritual promoting environment. The first think I drew was birds flying off against a setting sun. Birds seem to embody man's idea of spirituality. Perhaps that is why Mayans depicted Quetzalquatl as a feathered serpent...because he was a creature of both the earth and the heavens (John Lund). Spirituality is a sense of connecting with those gone before. Communion with loved ones on the other side. At times it is achieved within "sacred" buildings but more often for me. Personally, I connect with things and people of spirit in nature or when reading holy writings and pondering them. It seems like earthly people get in the way in man-made places.

Compassion: The word I see is "passion" which means (in my mind) intense love. I think of service and casseroles. I grew up in a home where whole, matched socks were a luxury. I rarely had them. My love language is gifts. Compassion = shopping for stuff others need. Cleaning is compassionate when it brings peace to others but NOT when it stresses them out. Compassion = letters, written and sent. Words of love that will live on after the author is gone. Unseen service in the form of prayer which motivates the prayer to do more than simply kneel and ask but also rise and act. Compassion is what brings religion and spirituality to the earthly realm.

Poem by my Mom

This and a pair of warm socks to Doug:

Little socks that wrap these feet
Keep them warm andn dry and neat
They'll be going up and down
Doing good all over town

You are small (but you are two)
Try to ease the worker's shoe
Feet will ache when day is done
(Pure religion made then run)

Pure religion, undefied,
Guide the feet of willing child
Makes him toil--oh, more than fair
Just to say, "I truly care".

Still without television and living to tell about it...

Okay. I'm back to reality. Back to blogging. Back to grad school, housework, responsibility on a grand scale and escape from it by fb, blog and family web site. Ah the joys of modern technology.

Still no tv.

I did join the Y, which, of course, allows me some very limited television privileges. Last night I worked out for the first time. Disguised the whole idea as Family Night. Promptly left the kids in the raquetball court and headed straight, (in a wandering fashion), to the treadmill. Forgot my headphones. Read the news feed for a boring while and found some magazines. My brain has evolved without television. I actually would rather read? Is this normal? I think not. but I read several fascinating articles on wife abuse in Montana, healthy recipes and how to train turtles. Just kidding. I didn't read about turtle training. I made that up to throw you off and just make sure you are paying attention.

I also discovered my new Vietnamese nail art glows in the dark. But I digress.

Had to cut the workout short when Brianne informed me that Doug Junior was bleeding. She hit him in the head with a raquetball raquet. Not on purpose.

We spent the rest of our well planned family night at a doctor friend's (my fav doc out of town), and had his eyebrow glued shut. Then we went to the grocery store to stock up on icecream since it is snowing outside and comfort foods become more of a necessity after Christmas.

What did I ever see in television?

December 27th was when I wrote this...by hand.

Christmas was marvelous this year. We came home from our cruise and my niece had done a great job caring for the home, kids and pup. It hit me as I was sitting on the couch watching the kids go through the goodies in their stockings, that I had almost died 2 years ago. Phee-you. I'm so glad I didn't. There is so much joy to hae onearth with my kids, hub and fam.

We took meals around to the homebound on Christmas day. We sang a few carols at each stop. One elderly man in a tiny, shabby trailer got big tears in his eyes when we sang White Christmas. He was so alone. It was hard to leave him there.

When we were done delivering meals we went back oer to the mission, (from whense we came with the food), and we sang to the homeless who were eating their meals there. It was an interesting experience. There were a couple of men who seemed to really enjoy the music and even called out requests of songs for us to sing and then they would sing along. It was sweet to watch them enjoy the simple pleasures of a good meal and Christmas carols sung by serious (cough) ametures! But hey - what we didn't have in talent, we made up for in ENTHUSIASM!!!!

Go Jesus!

There was a woman in our audience who didn't appreciate our gift much. She did eveerything in her power to yell at the people around her louder than we were singing. She actually seemed oblivious to us. At one point she quit yelling long enough to realize she was finished with her meal. She picked through what was left on her plate, (which was quite a bit), picked up the plate and dumped it on the plate next to hers, which had preiously belonged to a man who had been kicked out for yelling back at her.

We all looked sideways at her and kept on singing. She was led out at some point and when we finished with our little concert, there she was, outside of the building, yelling at whoever was in earshot outside. Unfortunately, as we walked to our cars, it included us. Joseph is particularly sensitive to profanity. He flinched as he heard her repeatingly say the "F" word. I put my arm around him and he looked at me with such sorrow in his eyes. He said, "Ladies shouldn't swear."

I agreed.